I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
