MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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