im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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