can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
