Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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