all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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