Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
