grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
