I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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