ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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