Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
