you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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