Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize