You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
