singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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