I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
