My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
