all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
