yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
