Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
