I faked an abortion last night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
