capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
His hands were made for my vagina.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
