You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
