Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
