i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
