just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
