the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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