i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
