I just threw up on my dentist
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
