Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
