he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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