dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
