I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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