Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
