Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
