ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
