We're facebook friends in real life
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
