I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
