Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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