My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
