the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
