I cut my penus on the lid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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