My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
