You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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