Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize