arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am naked and annoyed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
