Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
