Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
