is your mom at the bar?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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