he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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