i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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