I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
