Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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