I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
