so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
