Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
