I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
