i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
