Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
