After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
