next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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