he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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