That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
