my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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