I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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