U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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