Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
