Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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