i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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