your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to make a zoo with you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
