Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
